COMEDY OF THE DUMB RUNNER!
  Qualifying to be a Smart Runner requires one to muddle in the world of Dumb, if not Stupid Running. Well, as the old saying goes “been there, done that” definitely applies with me. The truth may actually lead to the fact that I was the “dumbest” runner of all time. I have to share these select moments with you so to have you contemplate the magnitude of my re-birth in overcoming my stupidity.

Alas, my youth passed me by without the PRs I SHOULD have had. I am sick about it often, but only for a minute before I give up my COULD OFs. Because to do the COULD OFs, I SHOULD OF done things much different, but there was nothing out there to help me. I scoured them all, those silly running books, and they just told to run certain times. I was convinced I was a 31 minute 10K runner (don’t know where I got this) and so I trained like one, only to pull out 38 minute 10Ks. What the heck? Well, here are a few DUMB and DUMBER tales, so I can get the proper respect I need to be looked at as a Smart Running coach. So listen, laugh and learn…

Racing Stupidity
1985. I was in damn good shape. I was running a 35 minute 10K (well in a stupid way but still running them). I was running 70 miles a week and feeling great. I was 28 and in the prime of life! I entered the Detroit Free Press Marathon for October. All indications were that I could run a sub 2:50 marathon. OK, gun goes off,,,boom,,,I get to the 10 mile and I am running a 6:10 pace. While a 2:50 marathon requires about a 6:27 minute mile. I was just going on feel, not an inkling of gray matter in the mix. So neurotic was I about losing time, I didn’t stop to get water, those precious few seconds would catch up to me, so I thought. I continued with the madness, through miles 18, 19 and finally 20. 20 miles was a weird spot. It passed a block from my house! 20 miles also poised the end of the world. I was dehydrated, sick to my stomach and delirious at 2:05, 6:15 pace; WAY TOO FAST. So at 20 miles, I made a right turn to my house and took a bath! I sat there soaking and feeling “ok”, but I felt guilty about leaving the race. So I put my running clothes on, got back on the course and walked to the finish with a 3:25! Not bad, but DUMB! So many races were like this too. My 8K PR was done with a 5:10 first mile and a 5:50 last mile for a 28:15. I really wished I could turn the clock back. I know I could have run sub 27:40!

Training Stupidity
Typical scenario in my early years. Go to the track and crank out sixteen 400s in sub 70 seconds and a 400 walk rest. Great workout! But what the hell for! I was running 10Ks or longer! This is a workout for a 2 miler trying to break 9:40 minutes, not a 10K runner trying to break 35. Routinely, these workouts kicked my butt and left nothing at the races. The Dumbest training run ever was one a few years ago. I went to the track and ran 4 x 800 in 2:30. I did it, Yahoo! For me, this was faster than mile pace. Why did I run it? Don’t know. It just sort of “popped” into my head to do. Well I did it! Yeah! However, it left me crippled for almost three years!

Consider me the teacher; you know the cliché-“can’t do, so teach”. Sort of true. I finally did have some good races in my early 40s after I figured out the “secrets”. I have been through the DUMB and continue to battle my stupidity. I sometimes can’t help myself but I hope to help others. I think I have figured a lot out and can help others avoid the errors I made.